Hi...

Okay, so I've' been absent for sooooo long that at first it was just, "oh, I haven't done that recently, I need to get back to that," and then more time ⏲ passed and it became, "Oh... I still haven't done that," and became an embarrassment 🤯. 

Time has moved on and kids have grown up into teenagers. I've changed jobs, I'm now a letter carrier 📧for USPS📬. 

As a letter carrier, I have a lot of time, while I'm walking on my route, to think and listen to podcasts.

I've been listening to TED  Radio Hour a lot lately and Hidden Brain. Today I listened to a Hidden Brain episode called The Lonely American Man. This podcast addresses the socially accepted notions of masculinity in the US. These attitudes we are raised with about what is socially acceptable behavior for men shapes the way men deal with stress, relationships, physical health and a growing epidemic of loneliness.

                                                        (check out the episode here)

Many people, not just men, struggle with loneliness and don't know how to connect or be social because of these social constraints. 

The question now is, how do we raise our boys to be balanced human beings? To be men who embrace their feelings without being seen as unmasculine…? 

Another podcast addressed the quandry of being Empathetic. 

(check out the podcast here)

Having empathy for others can be a difficult thing to balance in life, do you show empathy for someone and end up getting hurt yourself? Or do you harden your heart and turn inward, away from others, to protect yourself? 

These questions are the kinds of things I ponder as a mom raising the next generation of girls and boys (I have one of each). I don't have the right answer on just how to correctly do that but I'm doing my best. 

My advise? 

Hang in there, you're not alone in how you feel... 

Reach out to others, the worst they can do is reject your help/empathy/sympathy. THEY'RE NOT REJECTING YOU. 

Everyone needs others but we sometimes keep to ourselves to protect ourselves. Just as others keep to themselves to protect themselves. 

☙Be well.❧

❤

12:17 am 12th August 2017

FATE

DESTINY

SYNCHRONICITY

KISMET

     What coincidence is it then that I received a message from a friend Monday morning before work, offering me a chance to do my artwork again... Then, a mere hour later, I am informed that my services are no longer needed at my place of employment? 

FATE? DESTINY?

Later, I asked my friend why he'd contacted me... he said he felt like we were... connected again. We are both in a better frame of mind than we were 4 years ago when we last worked together, perhaps now is a better time for us to try this mutual venture.
    I watched Cloud Atlas again tonight. I saw it several years ago and although it resonated with me then, it did not hit me as clearly as in this viewing. What has lead me to THIS place, in THIS time?

There were so many strings that had to be pulled, so many paths to choose and cross. All those years preparing for NOW... HERE and NOW. Years I searched for my meaning, my purpose if you will, years spent at pointless jobs with people who didn't understand or appreciate me. All my searching, following signs - impulses - to find...
...HIM... Patrick, my best friend. For his youth one might doubt his wisdom or sincerity. But he is far beyond his years in both. His life, his losses, have made him a man equal to my needs for a dear friend. When I lost my job, my other friends were quick to give their sincere sympathies and offer up advice on just what I must do now..."focus on finding a new job, go get your unemployment benefits, you are skilled and friendly, you should have no trouble finding something..." etc. But he got me out of the house, took me to his place and we watched a movie and did laundry (all after I cried...nay wailed, all over him, bemoaning my situation). Then we went to the theater to see a movie (Atomic Blonde). That's just what I needed...diversion, not focus on what had just happened and my self pity. He KNOWS me, he gets me on the deepest level. I thank The Powers That Be every day for my HERO, my BEST FRIEND, my Love.

     The movie Cloud Atlas suggests that there is life after life... that LOVE transcends TIME and we meet our LOVE again and again throughout history. This I would like to believe, feeling that I have once again found my TRUE LOVE.
     "To be is to be perceived. And so to know thyself is only possible through the eyes of the other. The nature of our immortal lives is in the consequences of our words and deeds that go on and are pushing themselves throughout all time... Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb we are bound to others. Past and present. And by each crime and every kindness... we birth our future." Sonmi 451
   

 

'Tis the season.... let's all be merry and bright!

I wish I could say this was my house but... I do have a nicely decorated tree.

We recently moved from a little 2 bedroom apartment to a nice house with 3 bedrooms and a basement! We're so excited to be living in our little house for the holiday! We are all adjusting to living in New Jersey and school has been going well for the kids. We got a little snow last week and I know the kids are looking forward to the possibility of a white Christmas.  

 

Speaking of Christmas, I thought I'd post here about the winter holidays that pre-date the commercialized Christmas of today. Not many people think beyond the modern version of Christmas, or the "original" meaning of Christmas ("celebration of Christ"). But many of the country people celebrated the shortest day of the year with a Festival of Light, decorating a tree as the symbol of the Great Tree of Life. This is also where the song the 12 Days of Christmas come from as the Yule log would burn for 12 days. People would gather together with family and friends...

eat, drink, dance and sing.

 

 

No matter what holiday you celebrate this season... be it Yule, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Tekufat Tevet, Saturnalia...

 

 

I'm wishing you all a wonderful Holiday this year!

(if you can get through the anxiety of the family gatherings!)

Tomorrow would be my Grandmother's 97th birthday... I miss her.
She was born in 1919, 10th of 10 children, Helen Elizabeth Sayre in Columbus, OH. I have to say I didn't know a lot about her but the things I did know are that she was an artist, she had been a nurse before my mother was born, and while she was away in college, her mother died of pneumonia and her boyfriend died. She liked football.... I never expected that, I found out a few years ago.
I remember staying with her when I was young, I'd go exploring through the woods behind her house... I'd be gone all day. She had a big bell she'd ring if I wasn't home by dark, and we'd sit around the dinner table, Grandma, Grandpa and me.

Grandpa would go to bed early and Grandma and I would stay up on Saturday night and watch TV together, after the Muppet Show, we'd watch The Carol Burnett Show and The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. We'd stay up and eat popcorn and laugh. When it was time for bed, we'd go downstairs and she'd go in her art room and work on a painting, she was always working on something. I am fortunate enough to have several of her paintings gracing my walls.

August 2016....
Over 2 years has passed and I'm finally getting back to this blog.
So much has happened in that time span, I will only share some of it...

In 2014-2015 I partnered with Marc Anthony and The Green Palette and we did some creative and artistic work together.

OHM pallet

Paisley Pallet

FANGS! Monster t-shirt (recycled t-shirt and fleece appliqued monster)

https://www.facebook.com/TheGreenPalette

 



I've since moved on to full-time work for Artistic Tile in White Plains, NY. They are a specialty tile company and my love of design and my artistic bent serve me well in this career. I've been working there since September 2015 and enjoy helping people bring art and beauty into their homes.

 



 

Also, I separated from my husband last year and moved to NJ with my two children. I'm now divorced and we're all doing the best we can to keep things as positive as possible for the kids. Summer break has been different for the kids since I'm working full time. This year they went to summer day camp and had a sitter pick them up and watch them until I got home. Our complex has a pool so the kids have spent a lot of time in and out of the pool, and enjoying the trips to the beach with their dad. I was able to take an extra day off and take them to Wildwood this summer. Unfortunately, the day we were there a lot of jelly fish were in the water and made everyone itchy. But we spent a lot of time walking the boardwalk and playing in the arcades instead.

 

 

Now, near the close of the summer, they're both at overnight camp at Frost Valley YMCA. My girl loves horses, so I put her in the special camp, Mustang Village, where she gets to ride every day and care for her horse.

My son, not so interested in horses, is in the regular camp with boys his own age and plenty of fun activities to keep him busy for two weeks. Although I miss them, I know this is a very special time for them and I hope to see even small changes in them when they return.

To say that I have been busy is an understatement. How did a whole year pass by and I didn't blog? Well, it's like this, once a few months had gone by, I felt bad for not posting. Then the summer came and I didn't spend any time on the computer, with taking the kids to camp and all the other summer stuff we did.  Then, with summer over, the new school year started, at a new school and before I knew it a whole year had passed! By that time, it was simple embarrassment that kept me away.  Not that anyone is interested in all the things I've been up to in a year, but I got much better at my crochet and amigurumi, I caught up on Vampire Diaries (I watched 4 seasons on Netflix!), and I got hooked on Pinterest.

Today I decided to share my 3 favorite chili recipes.  It's cold and rainy out and I usually make chili on this type of day.  I figured I'd share these recipes since I hadn't posted in so long. First, I'll give you the recipe for an uncommon type of chili... Chicken Chili or White Bean Chili.

 White Bean Chili

• 7 cups of chicken stock
• 4  15.8ozcans of cannellini beans (navy beans can be substituted)
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp parsley
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1/4 tsp cayanne powder
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp ground pepper
• 1 1/4 lb white meat chicken
• 1 Tbsp olive oil
• 1 can diced tomatillos
• 1/2 small diced onion
• 4 cloves of garlic, grated
• 1/2 c rough chopped, fresh cilantro

In Dutch oven, combine stock, beans and spices. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer. Meanwhile, cook chicken through and shred. Saute onions and garlic.  Add 1/4 cilantro, onion and garlic to stock and bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer 30 minutes. For thick chili, use a potato masher and mash some of the beans.  When serving, top with a dollop of sour cream, shredded cheddar cheese, and a sprinkling of chopped cilantro. Also, serve with corn bread.

As popular as White Bean Chili has become, I'm sure you've either made it before or at least tried it in a restaurant.  But the next chili recipe is a little different... Cowboy Chili is made with steak instead of ground beef.

 Cowboy Chili

• 12 oz boneless beef top round steak, diced
• 1 Tbsp oil
• 1 c chopped onion
• 1/2 c chopped green pepper
• 2-3 ribs celery, diced
• 2 cloves garlic, grated
• 1 15.8 oz can kidney beans
• 1 14.5 oz can diced tomatoes
• 1 8 oz can tomato sauce
• 2-3 tsp cayenne powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1 tsp cocoa powder

Cut beef (if it's partially frozen, it's easier to cut), across the grain, into bite sized pieces. In a Dutch oven, brown beef in olive oil. Add onion, green pepper, and celery, add garlic at the last, saute gently. Stir in diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, spices, salt and cocoa powder. Heat to boiling, reduce heat and simmer covered 1 hour.
Stir in beans; heat to a boil again then reduce heat and simmer uncovered, stirring occasionally until desired consistency, about 20 minutes. Serve with a topping of sour cream and shredded cheddar cheese.
Serves 4-6.

And finally, my best recipe for chili, using ground beef and beans. Not everyone likes their chili with beans... Simple but very good.

 Chili with beans

• 1 1/2 lbs ground beef
• 1/2 medium onion, diced
• 1-2 ribs celery, diced
• 2-3 cloves garlic, finely minced or grated
• 1 green pepper, diced
• 2 15.8oz cans of diced tomatoes
• 1 8oz can tomato sauce
• 1-2 Tbsp Chili powder; or 2 tsp cumin and 1-2 tsp of cayenne powder (depending how spicy you want it to be)
• 1/2 tsp dry basil
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• 1/2 tsp salt
• ground black pepper to taste
• hand full of coarsely chopped fresh cilantro

In Dutch oven, brown ground beef, drain. Saute onion, celery, green pepper, add garlic at the last, saute gently. Add tomatoes, tomato sauce and spices to ground beef, onion, celery and green pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer partly covered 1 hour. Add beans, bring to a boil again, reduce heat and simmer to heat beans through, about 10 minutes. Serve topped with sour cream, shredded cheese, and sprinkle with chopped cilantro.
Serves 6-8

I try to make these the same way every time but sometimes I don't have all the ingredients and have to improvise. With that said, crushed tomatoes don't make a good substitute for diced. Feel free to modify these recipes to taste but these tend to be staples of the week when it's cold and nasty outside.

Enjoy!  

     Okay, shame on me for not posting sooner, it's still February though (just!).  To say I've been a little busy would be an understatement. The winter holidays seem to go in a rush, and winter (in the Northern states) is colder and darker, so it always seems like there's not enough time to get things done. Now that we are approaching Spring, it's time to wake up and begin thinking about renewal.

     With that thought in mind, I was in Yoga practice this morning and had a thought during our meditation time. Our instructor had guided us earlier to "open our hearts", to feel what it feels like, knowing we've had our hearts "closed", to explore the difference and ponder why we close our hearts. My thought at the time is that we generally "close our hearts" when we've been hurt, or to keep people from hurting us.  Later, picking up that train of thought, I considered why it is so difficult for us to live our lives with "hearts open", with compassion and caring.  We struggle, from the day we are born, to become "individual", separate from others. Western school systems teach children about not striving as a team or a community, but about personal gain and achievements. This lack of common goals makes selfish, self centered, and inconsiderate adults, and yet we wonder why our culture is so "sick" and "unhealthy".   We have lost the feeling of being interconnected, that we are all a part of a greater WHOLE, rather than separate beings. In our Yoga practice we attempt to let go of that "busy" mind, the "small" mind, and embrace the larger conscousness, to connect with the whole.

     I don't have an answer as to what to do to "solve" the problem on a cultural basis or even a large scale. But I think if we, as individuals attempted, on a regular (if not daily) basis to consciously reach out to others... to listen, comfort, chat with or simply SMILE... it would make a great deal of difference. And yes, SMILE... A simple smile can change someone elses day dramatically! And listening, all by itself, not only helps the person who is speaking but gives us perspective on our own lives.
     So, if you get nothing else from this today, remember that a simple SMILE can bring brightness to someone who might otherwise have been feeling down and dismal.
          So if you see me on the street.... smile, and I will, in return, smile at you.  :)